Penny Sca l e After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!" "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!" The Sun Bay Paper Page 20 March 18, 2022 - March 24, 2022 It’s time to benefit from the active real estate market. Contact me for competent real estate expertise. Cathie Lewis, Realtor Pfeifer Realty Group, LLC SWFL, Fort Myers Beach, Sanibel & Captiva Islands is All About Home Real Estate Specialist See Yo u On Wedne sday ! Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven." The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "You're pitching on Wednesday." Want a Better View? Overheard at the Bar I saw liposuction. You ever see how they do that? Its, like, violent. They get the hose -- it looks like they’re mad at how fat you are. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology. I learned nothing in college. But it was kind of my own fault. Adam St rays When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve. Sunday Sermon A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What did you learn from this demonstration? Old Maxine was sitting in the back smoking a cigarette along with a shot of Jack Daniels in her hand, quickly raised her other hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!' That pretty much ended the service. I Q Morton was reading the paper after breakfast when he came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense. He turned to his wife with a questioning look on his face and said: "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife smiled and replied: "Why thank you, dear!" Large Check The rich aunt was disappointed and said to her nephew, "I'm sorry you don't like your gift. I asked you if you preferred a large check or a small check." "I know, Auntie," the nephew said contritely, "but I didn't know you were talking about neckties." Romance A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along. Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat. A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts: "Dad, if you think your getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, there's a Shriner's convention going past."
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MjA2ODE3