Volume 7 Issue 15_Sun Bay Paper

Perfec t F i t While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up both of her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. "I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit PERFECTLY around his neck." The Sun Bay Paper Page 20 January 21, 2022 - January 27, 2022 I told my Doctor I felt like he was ignoring me! It’s time to benefit from the active real estate market. Contact me for competent real estate expertise. Cathie Lewis, Realtor Pfeifer Realty Group, LLC SWFL, Fort Myers Beach, Sanibel & Captiva Islands is All About Home Real Estate Specialist He said “Next” Co unt ry Ta l k A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won'tbelieve the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they'veimplemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!" "READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. He decides to shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?' The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" Las t N i ght A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are about to die, matter of fact it will be this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, she rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. The husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that his demise is near he taps her..."Honey?" he whispers.”Do you think...” She doesn’t even let him finish and rolls over and again proceed to make passionate love. Again when they were done she rolls over and soon he taps her again. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally when the wife is done, she rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man had taken the little blue pill earlier that evening so he decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over saying, "Oh sure! You don't have to get up in the morning!!!" Want a New View? Pe a c e o f M i n d ? "Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!" I n H e ave n On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. ‘Yes,’ he informs the couple, ‘you can get married in Heaven.’ ‘Great!’ said the couple, ‘But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’ St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple. ‘OH, COME ON!’, St. Peter exclaimed, ‘It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?

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