Bi gger I n Texas He goes to the bar and hops up on a giant barstool. "Boy, this seat is massive!" he tells the bartender. The bartender tells him, "Everything's bigger in Texas!" He orders a beer and the barkeep thrusts a half-gallon mug of ice-cold beer into his hands. "This is huge!" he says. "Like I said, everything's bigger in Texas." the bartender says. He manages to drink the whole thing while chatting with the bartender, but eventually, the half gallon of liquid catches up with him. He asks the bartender where the bathroom is, and he says, "Down the hall, first door on the right." He starts down the hall, but he misses the bathroom and walks through the second door, which happens to be the hotel pool. He walks forward and falls into the pool. After a bit of flailing, he bobs to the surface and desperately yells, "Don't flush! Don't flush!" The Sun Bay Paper Page 20 April 15, 2022 - April 21, 2022 It’s time to benefit from the active real estate market. Contact me for competent real estate expertise. Cathie Lewis, Realtor Pfeifer Realty Group, LLC SWFL, Fort Myers Beach, Sanibel & Captiva Islands is All About Home Real Estate Specialist Nons ens e One night at the dinner table, a wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now." Want a Better View? Thr i fty A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit. editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, Well then, let it read "Fred Brown died." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a 7 word minimum for all obituaries. Only a little flustered, she thinks thing over and in a few seconds says, In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: 1983 Pickup for sale." All I hear is "Designated Driver" When people say they don't need alcohol to have fun, Co l d wi nter? It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the hell the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side,he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea.He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the Meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. One week later he called the National Weather Service again."Is it going to be a very cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy". Sneaky The Sherriff arrested a man fencing stolen jewelry. After receiving a call aboout the arrest, the husband goes to the station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before, "I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,” says the duty officer. “No, you don’t understand,” says the man. “I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife. I've been trying to do that for years.” To o Ho t After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. She felt the same way. So I turned on the air conditioner Overheard at the Beach You know what my girl does when she get mad? She start talking in the third person. Thats scary as hell because thats her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for any of her actions. Overheard at the beach Im afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MjA2ODE3